Keepers is a weekly segment in which I discuss the games that I’ve seen fit to keep after playing. I’m a self proclaimed pack-rat and collector, but if I ever had to sell my gaming collection to feed my family these are the games I’d hang onto. If my wife let me, anyway.

I know, you’re asking yourself, “why the hell it this game a Keeper?” C’mon people, it’s a Star Wars fighting game! Need I say more? Outside of Vader and Yoda in Soul Calibur IV, this is the only chance you’ll ever have to pit Luke Skywalker against Chewbacca, or Princess Leia vs Boba Fett. Heck, you can even play as Mara Jade, how cool is that? Ok sure, the graphics were rough even by PS1 standards, and the characters are horribly imbalanced (Boba Fett is way overpowered) but I still chuckle like a fanboy at ComiCon when I revisit this game. Plus, now that I have a PS3 I can enjoy all of Slave Leia’s 200 polygons in 42″ HD glory. I think this game is more of a Keeper by novelty than quality, but that’s what having a collection is all about. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to practice Luke’s Jedi Precision Slice on this Gamorrean Guard.

I’m going to piss off a lot of people now by talking about how I think some of the best-loved games in the past few years weren’t actually that good. Much of this might have to do with my personal opinion of Bioware’s game engines, since two of my three example games here are from Bioware, but I can’t help but feel that they were overhyped and overrated.

Over the years, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic has developed a near-legendary reputation as an excellent game. But while I found the story interesting and the twist at the end was very nice, it was the gameplay that I found to be lacking. The combat boiled down to selecting an attack and running up to your enemy, then watching while the attacks were carried out, with the combatants standing there and waiting in between attacks. This certainly isn’t a mechanic exclusive to KotOr – even World of Warcraft (if I speculate correctly) uses this type of combat mechanic. I don’t like it. And while perhaps the same thing could be said about games I do love such as Baldur’s Gate and Final Fantasy XII, I find it much easier to view those two games as pseudo-turn-based games. KotOR feels like more of an action game, and as such the engine and the gameplay seemed very off-putting to me.

Jade Empire, as a game, had a lot in common with Knights of the Old Republic. But I enjoyed Jade Empire more because the combat engaged the player more by requiring a keypress for each attack and block. In that way, Jade Empire was more action game than RPG, whereas KotOR was more RPG than action game. I loves me some RPG, but not when it’s done with an engine like KotOR’s. I had the same complaint about Neverwinter Nights, which in my mind succeeded despite the poor engine and gameplay. But the main reason I liked Neverwinter Nights was the bundled Aurora creaton tool, with which I spent an ungodly amount of time. I’m not saying that Knights of the Old Republic was a bad game – I certainly did enjoy it – I just didn’t enjoy it as much as everyone else seemed to.

The second game on my “overrated” list is Bioshock. Bioshock had a lot of promise. When I saw the hallways beginning to flood at the beginning of the game, it was exciting. Here I am in an underwater city – maybe gunfire breaking these underwater tunnels will be a common mechanic! Maybe I’ll occasionally have to escape from tunnels before they flood! Alas – the danger is only imagined, and the flooding only happens that once.

Bioshock’s story was good, and the game was very atmospheric, largely due to the much-vaunted graphics. But on my machine, the game absolutely chugged, even at medium settings. I found myself comparing it to Half-Life 2, which was the best-looking game I’d seen at the time. On my machine, Half-Life 2 actually looked better, and ran far more smoothly.

Graphics aside, Bioshock didn’t have as good a story exposition as Half-Life 2 and didn’t have characters that I fell in love with in the way that I fell in love with Alyx Vance, Dog, and Dr. Kleiner. The camera and pipeworks hacking mechanics were cool, but what fell short was the je ne sais quoi – that certain charm that some games have and others don’t. Bioshock didn’t charm me. It received a solid meh.

The final game in my triumvirate of overration is Mass Effect. (*Greg ducks*)

I’ve got a lot of the same complaints about Mass Effect as I did about Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. It felt more like the game engine you’d see in a point-and-click adventure and less like the engine you’d see in a shooter. In The Totally Rad Show‘s PAX episode, they mentioned that Mass Effect 2 feels “more shootery”, which is very promising, but the whole thing makes me slightly nervous about my much-looked-forward-to Dragon Age: Origins.

Mass Effect had a really interesting story. I loved the notion of an ancient über-powerful race of alien robots who destroy civilization periodically. But they didn’t end up feeling as badass as I’d have liked. They should have felt more like the Borg did in “Q Who?”

All in all, I did enjoy each of these three games. But they weren’t amazing, they were just okay.

The most recent example is Trine. The game immediately interested me, since the puzzle/platforming multiplayer co-op sounded like exactly the type of game my wife and I would enjoy playing together. Downloading the Steam demo sealed the deal. While I may have bought the game without having tried the demo, the demo removed all doubt. I now plan to play the game when (and if) it’s ever released on PSN.

Trine PC Demo

A game that I likely would never have bought without trying the demo is Pixeljunk Monsters. Like many other PSN demos, I downloaded it on a whim and it probably sat on my Playstation’s hard drive for a week before I even installed it. When I started playing it, my initial take was that the music was a little annoying and the graphics were too cartoony. But as I do with most demos, I decided to play through to the end before making any kind of decision. The game got addictive. The music was actually catchy. And I wanted more levels. I’ve now grown to love Pixeljunk Monsters, and it’s without doubt the game I’ve put the most time into on my Playstation 3.

Plants versus Zombies was a similar story. While it sounded cute, I expected it to be very much like the Peggle and Bookworm Adventures demos I’d tried: fun, but not worth buying.

After completing the demo levels, I had to play the full game. And it turned out to be the only game I’ve ever played on which I’ve completed every single achievement.

Plants vs Zombies Demo

The last demo that’s floated its way into my mind – I nearly forgot about this one – is the demo for Dark Messiah of Might and Magic. It was a lot of fun. I got caught up in the stealth upgrades and in kicking orcs and goblins off of cliffs. The game was rated horribly, so I didn’t buy it immediately, but when I saw it in a Target for $12.50, I snatched it up with no hesitation. And it’s a keeper. You can get it on Steam now for even less than that.

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic Demo

Now I’ll grant you – not all demos are representative of the actual game. The Playstation 3 demo for Resident Evil 5 was terrible, but the game was actually pretty good. The Playstation 3 demo for Star Wars: The Force Unleashed was excellent, but the game itself was horrible and frustrating.

In closing, I can’t write about demos without mentioning the venerable but hilarious demo for Typing of the Dead, which is still available here, especially after having read such a well-written article about the game last week.

I played a lot of games in 2009. I could manage to count 23 of them, since I’m only looking at games that I played for the first time. This means that I’m not counting Thief: Deadly Shadows, Dungeon Siege, Warcraft 3, Dark Messiah of Might and Magic, and Beyond Good and Evil, since I’ve played those all before.

That being said, I’m going to go through my list in alphabetical order and try to give some kind of brief rating and review to each of them.

Braid

Amongst downloadable XBox Live Arcade titles, Braid is a superstar. While it doesn’t quite fit in with the casual fare that permeates downloadable console catalogs, it’s a good game to play in small chunks. Many of the puzzles can be so maddeningly difficult as to break your brain, but there’s an immense sense of satisfaction when you finally figure them out.

I played the PC version, since I have no XBox, but while the Steam release had some issues, it was worth the wait. I played it, my wife played it, and I wrote a series of hints that ended up near the top of the google search results.

Braid’s story was a bit hard to follow, introduced as it was in small chunks at the beginning of each of the game’s six worlds, and it got really odd at the end. But the game was more about the puzzles than anything else, so all else is forgivable. I’ll give the game a B.

Crysis

Before its launch, and for a number of months afterwards, Crysis‘s big marketing line was that it would bring your $2000 gaming rig to its knees with its amazing graphics. That’s probably why it didn’t sell as well as the developers might have hoped. Crysis was good, although overall I’ll say that I preferred CryTek’s earlier title Far Cry.

Crysis was almost like two separate games, as the gameplay during the second half is drastically different from the first half. Personally, I prefer the first half, as it was much closer to the gameplay in Far Cry. I could sneak around to scout an area, snipe off a few men, then let the rest come to me. It felt strategic and fun. The zero-gravity segments in the second half of the game were disorienting and confusing. I found myself backtracking unintentionally, and the alien enemies weren’t nearly as interesting to fight as the human opponents. The segments in which you fly a fighter jet were even worse. More often than not, I’d crash and burn but never know exactly what killed me.

Towards the end of the game, during a battle on an aircraft carrier, the game froze. Every time. I was never actually able to see the end of the game, which I assume was well under an hour away. I must have tried twenty times to get through that battle, but the game froze every single time. Considering the non-fun segments and the bug at the end, I’ll have to give Crysis a C+.

Defense Grid: The Awakening

As far as Tower Defense games go, I found Defense Grid to be strictly average. It held my attention long enough to play through the entire game, but I found the aliens to be generic, the story to be uninteresting, and the computer narrator’s melodramatic dialogue to be unbelievable, as the computer got more emotional about a hinted-at past war than most humans would get. The computer’s odd fixation on raspberries was a bit funny, but that small bit of humor didn’t make up for the rest of the game. I’ll give this one a C+.

Dead Space

Being the best survival horror game I’ve played in years is no mean feat. That’s what puts Dead Space in the running for the best game that I played in 2009.

It’s nearly impossible for me to talk about Dead Space without comparing it to Resident Evil, as I believe that Dead Space has neatly filled in the survival horror niche once occupied by the earlier Resident Evil games. But Dead Space is certainly its own animal, and is an entirely new generation of survival horror title. For one thing, Dead Space is more of a shooter than any of the original survival horror games (Silent Hill, Resident Evil, Clocktower) ever were. It has the best collection of weapons I’ve seen in a shooter since Doom 3, a weapon upgrade system that I like even better than Resident Evil’s, and some excellent gameplay elements such as zero-gravity areas, vacuum areas, ship-mounted weaponry for firing at targets in space, and the kinesis and stasis modules.

Dead Space is certainly a game that I’ll return to and play again some day. I’m doubting that I’ll go for the trophy where you have to play the entire game with only a plasma cutter and no other weapons, but I’ll enjoy my replay nonetheless. Dead Space gets a solid A.

Desktop Tower Defense DS

I was a huge fan of the flash version of Desktop Tower Defense for a long time. I still believe it to be one of the best tower defense games ever made. As simple as it is, it’s got a lot of complexity and balance. Building new mazes for the creeps to traverse and arranging things perfectly can be quite a challenge, and if you start on advanced strategies like juggling, things get even more complex. The game begins simple, but has a lot of nuance.

For some reason, since I bought this game, I haven’t played my DS nearly as often as I used to. So I haven’t put a lot of time into the portable verion of Desktop Tower Defense. But they’ve added quite a lot of new modes, plus a number of achievements. Although not being able to share those achievements online somehow detracts from the experience, I’ll still enjoy trying to get them. Probably on an airplane at some point in the future. I’ll give Desktop Tower Defense DS a B-.

Dragon Quest 4 DS

Back in the day, when I played this game on a friend’s NES, I absolutely loved it. The charm and the fun are still there. I haven’t completed Dragon Quest 4 since beginning the NES version, but I’m easily halfway into the game. Once again, I just haven’t spent much time with the DS recently. I know that will change when Scribblenauts drops. But as far as RPGs for the DS, I haven’t seen many better. C+

Fairway Solitaire

While Fairway Solitaire is without doubt a casual game, it takes plain old solitaire and adds a golf theme to make it really interesting. Streaks where you don’t have to use cards from the deck become “long drives”, sandtraps and water hazards become cards that are inaccessible, and you can collect extra golf clubs that act as cards up your sleeve. While explaining these intracacies are beyond the scope of this mini-review, you should take my word that this game is amongst the better casual games that I’ve played this past year. B-

Fallout 3

While I didn’t go through all the expansions like Brandon did, I spent a lot of time playing Fallout 3. I played three characters, and maxxed out my levels on two of them. And even though it wasn’t entirely deserving of the “Oblivion-with-guns” moniker that it got in so many reviews, there was enough of that to detract from the game. All the things that I disliked about the Oblivion engine were still problems in Fallout 3, and none of the things that I’d loved so much about Oblivion were replaced with adequate substitutes. The charm of the first two Fallout titles was likewise lacking. As you can probably tell, I much preferred Oblivion to Fallout 3.Still, I did enjoy my time playing Fallout 3. GFW, while it does suck, gave me the ability to grab some achievements, and I got about 90% of the ones available, including every damn bobblehead in the game. I loved tearing up slavers with the shishkebab, I loved melting Combine troops with a plasma rifle, and that nuclear explosion was a thing of beauty. I’d just love to have seen more Wasteland in Fallout 3. You know, some snake squeezins, or perhaps a Scorpitron. Fallout 3 gets a B.

Far Cry 2
I wasn’t sure what to expect from Far Cry 2. I knew that it was an open-world game and that it was significantly different from both the original Far Cry and from Crysis. Far Cry removed a number of the elements that I’d liked so much about those two games: The science fiction elements, and lying prone for purposes of sneaking. I wish I’d been able to record achievements in the game. I went out of my way to grab every diamond in the northern section of the map – had I been able to get an achievement for it, I’d likely have done the same for the southern map. The game also has some really silly conventions.

Final Fantasy 12
The only other Final Fantasy games I’ve played are Final Fantasy 4 on the DS and Final Fantasy 9 back on the original Playstation. These are loong games. I’ve been playing Final Fantasy 12 for years now. I tend to play for 4-6 months before getting burned out and shelving the game for a couple months. But then I go back to it. I’m still only about 2/3 of the way through the game and I plan to go back to it soon, although I’m sure I’ll quickly shelve it again when Borderlands and Dragon Age: Origins come out in October.

Final Fantasy is about story, but it’s also about level grinding. Lots and lots of level grinding. The game’s battles are simply too hard if you move from place to place battling only story-essential foes. Level grinding is absolutely essential. It harks back to old RPGS that I’d played on the Sega Master system. And in Final Fantasy 12, it’s actually a lot of fun to level grind. There’s a lot of inventory management and skill management to do – I’ve got a couple sheets of notebook paper where I’ve got notes sketched out on how my characters’ gear and skills are set up. It reminds me of mapping out Bards Tale or Wizardry dungeons on graph paper. Final Fantasy 12 gets a B. Square Enix knows what they’re doing when it comes to JRPGs.

Galactrix
I absolutely loved Puzzle Quest. And so I was very excited for Galactrix. I’m sad to say that I was seriously disappointed with the game. The touch screen controls are terrible. Selecting the item you want with the stylus is often more of a challenge than fighting battles. And the game’s loading screens are frequent and very long. The game’s minigames can be fun once you unlock them, and tricking out your ship with improved equipment is probably the best part of the game. Overall, Puzzle Quest was a far better game. Galactrix gets a D.

Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters was a mixed bag. There’s a lot of good, and a lot of bad. My biggest complaint about the game is the uneven difficulty. There are some moments that are just way too hard. This forced me to play through the game on “casual” difficulty. I also hit a number of bugs where certain plot triggers just wouldn’t fire, and I had to reload my last save, after which things worked fine.

If you’re going to play this game, play it for the story and the atomosphere, because those were great. The game totally nails the feel of the original movie, and having all four ghostbusters voiced by the actual actors is fantastic. The game is very well written. The plot is probably better than that of the Ghostbusters 2 movie, and there are some really funny one-liners in the game. I have to give this game a C+.

Lost Planet
Seldom have I had a worse experience with a game that I had with the PC port of Lost Planet. Most of my complaints had to do with the fact that it’s the worst PC port of a console game that I’ve ever played, but the game engine is also terrible – I have a hard time imagining that I’d have enjoyed the 360 version much more. This is the only game in my list that gets a definite F.

Mad World
I understand that my negative take on Mad World is primarily opinion. I know that other people (such as Brandon) really enjoyed Mad World. But I didn’t like the game at all. At all. I played nearly halfway through it (I’m guessing) hoping that it would get better, but I eventually just got bored and frustrated.

I’d been expected a new-school brawler that felt like SmashTV or Double Dragon, but what I got was not nearly as fun. At all. I had many complaints about the game overall, but the bottom line is that I just didn’t find it to be fun. At all. Mad World gets a D.

Mass Effect
If Brandon doesn’t kill me for my take on Mad World, then he’ll probably kill me for my take on Mass Effect. In a word: meh. The game was fine, but I didn’t get nearly as much out of it as everyone else seemed to. The story was really interesting, I’ll give you that, and Bioware always does an amazing job with the dialogue. But to me, the gameplay’s the thing. And the engine that Mass Effect ran on (actually, the engine that a lot of Bioware games have run on) felt old and klunky to me.

I played through the whole game – start to finish – but it didn’t grab me. I enjoyed the story, but the gameplay wasn’t there, so I can’t classify it as a keeper. Mass Effect gets a C.

Okami
I’d heard about Okami for a long time before having picked up a copy. I got the Wii version, although Okami was originally a playstation 2 game. And I loved it.

The gameplay in Okami is a lot like the gameplay in the more recent Zelda games – action/adventure. Fetch quests and conversations with some minor platforming and a whole lot of fighting. Also, plenty of minigames. Add to that the innovative magic brush mechanic and you’ve got a winner. But what stood out most to me about Okami were the graphics. They don’t excel by being photorealistic – just the opposite – the stylized graphics in Okami are an excellent argument against photorealism. They look amazing in a far more cartoonish way. Okami gets a B.

Penny Arcade Adventures: Episode 2: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness
I’m a big fan of Penny-Arcade. I love their style of humor, and of course I love the bulk of their subject matter: video games, tabletop gaming, and general geekery. I’ve played and loved both their games. How can you not love a game where you’re battling hobos, mimes, barbershop quartets, insane asylum inmates, and robots with a perverse sexual attraction to fruit? I give this one a B. It’s inexpensive, and if you buy it on Steam, you can shoot for the Steam achievements.

Pixeljunk Monsters
I’ve certainly written enough here about my love for Pixeljunk Monsters. Although I didn’t start playing it in 2009, I likely won’t finish before the end of the year. Honestly, I’ll probably end up putting it aside again as I start playing Muramasa and Scribblenauts. Although I’ve only got two levels remaining in the expansion, there are still plenty of trophy challenges for me to tackle. The “Four Tree Rainbow” challenge is harder than it looked, and the “Rainbow Team” challenge looks to be incredibly difficult. In Pixeljunk Monsters lingo, to “rainbow” a level is to complete it perfectly – without losing a single villager. Pixeljunk Monsters gets an A from me simply because I can’t think of many other games I’ve ever gotten so much prolonged play out of.

Plants vs Zombies
While I’ve enjoyed many Popcap games in the past – Bookworm Adventures and Zuma come to mind – I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed any of them as much as Plants vs Zombies. I only played the game for a couple weeks, but during those weeks, I played it hard. My initial take on the game was a poor one – how could a tower defense game with only six linear lanes have the depth of something like Desktop Tower Defense? You know what? I grew out of that one quickly, and became a Plants vs Zombies addict. Steam offers achievements for the game, and PvZ became the first game on which I’d ever gotten 100% of the achievements. Plants vs Zombies gets an A. It’s all about the spikerocks, gloom shrooms and garlic.

Prototype

I can imagine Prototype being a far better game on a console. Firstly, it might not freeze as often as it did on my Vista machine, although I’m willing to concede that the freezing issue may be related to the import version of the game I’m playing. While the PC controls weren’t terrible, I had some issues with the dashing controls. Firstly, the double-tap on the ‘W’ key for an air dash wouldn’t always register – I’m sure that’s my own fault, but the double-keyboard-tap isn’t the easiest motion on which to get 100% accuracy. Similarly, I found that when dashing, you corner like a passenger jet. So often, I’d sprint past a waypoint or someone I’d intended to grab, then take at least 5 seconds to turn around and run back. And when you’re in a timed event and you’ve only got 60 seconds to do what you’ve got to do, that 5 seconds can make a huge difference.

Although I’m playing a weird Russian import version that I got on Ebay and I can’t actually register achievements, I managed to complete nearly every challenge. I got gold on all but one gliding challenge and managed to complete every infected consume event. The military consume events where you’ve got to consume the commander and then end the alert before getting in can be HARD. And although I found destroying hives and bases with a tank to be super-easy, helicopters are nearly worthless. Granted, they’re the best for fast travel, but they’re difficult to hijack and they get destroyed by one hit from anything.

Also, like Ghostbusters, I can’t imagine playing Prototype on any difficulty other than ‘Easy’. Prototype gets a C+, but it might be a B- on consoles.

Resident Evil 5

I played the Playstation 3 version of Resident Evil 5, and while it was inferior to its predecessors in different ways, it wasn’t a bad game. Resident Evil 5 tried to be Resident Evil 4. But it wasn’t different enough from Resident Evil 4 to really shine, and it didn’t have the charm of Resident Evil 4. There was no mine cart chase, no jetski sequence, and no chance to harpoon lake monsters. There was a nice sequence where you could shoot at enemies from machine guns mounted to the back of a jeep, but that alone didn’t measure up.

Resident Evil 5 only really shines when played co-op. I played with my brother on his XBox over Christmas vacation, and having the game be a shared experience really changed it. For the better. The partner AI in Resident Evil 5 is laughably bad at times. The game gets a B.

Street Fighter 4

After having beaten Seth with every character in the game other than the three big bosses whom I have yet to unlock, I’ve been playing Street Fighter 4 far less. I’ve gotten somewhat competent at online matches, although like so many other online games, the people still playing are the ones who play all the time, and are thus much better at the game than I am. But the game did bring back a good bit of my Street Fighter 2 nostalgia, and despite my hatred of Crimson Viper and Rufus, I really like the game. B+

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
This game totally fails, which is sad. It seemed like it had so much going for it. Great story, a very nice engine with good graphics, and the upgrade and combo system seemed like it was going to work out very nicely. If only it weren’t for all the bottomless pits. There is nothing as maddeningly frustrating as falling into the same pit for the fourth time when you have to wait for 5 minutes in between attempts. Star Wars: The Force Unleashed gets a D for bad platforming.

Strong Bad’s Cool Game for Attractive People

I love HomeStarRunner. I really do. So I was super-excited to hear that there was going to be a StrongBad-themed WiiWare game, and I snatched it up as soon as it was available. Sadly, I’d forgotten that I don’t generally like point and click adventure games. And that I’m horribly bad at them. So while HomestarRunner.com gets an A, Strong Bad’s Cool Game for Attractive People gets a C-.

All in all, it wasn’t a bad gaming year. Granted, there was nothing that stood out like Half-Life 2, Oblivion, or Shadow of the Colossus, but the year isn’t over yet, and I’ve still got to play Scribblenauts, Muramasa, Brutal Legend, Uncharted 2, and Dragon Age: Origins.

It’s funny – I don’t remember quite so many bottomless pits in any of the Star Wars movies. Sure, there was the part in Empire Strikes Back where Luke lost his hand and fell, and there’s always the Pit of Carcoon and the place where the Emperor fell to his death, then there’s the one Luke and Leia swung across in New Hope and the place where Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fought Darth Maul… okay, maybe Star Wars is actually about bottomless pits. But I’d never really had that feeling before playing Force Unleashed.

I died a lot. And it was nearly always while falling into a bottomless pit. Generally the same one at least 5-6 times. This gets old quickly, especially when you’ve got to wait about 60 seconds while the game reloads your last checkpoint.

Let’s look at one example: I was fighting two junk guardians. I picked one up with The Force and threw him, then carved the other one up with my lightsaber. Jumping up to a platform, I found two more. While I was fighting one, the other hit me. Once. This knocked me back a bit and pushed me over the edge into a bottomless pit. Although I can double jump, I apparently can’t jump in mid-air while beginning to fall into the pit. So I died.

…a minute or two later…

I’m fighting the junk guardians again. This time I defeat them all before falling to my own death. The next jump is a big one, onto a small platform. I get ready, positioning the camera just right, then jump. But while I’m up in the air, I can’t look down – only forward – so it’s hard to see where I’m going to land. I fall into the pit, missing the platform by inches.

…a minute or two later…

Fighting those damned junk guardians. This is the last one, and I’m kicking his butt. While attempting to hit the targeting trigger, I accidentally hit the “dash” trigger and dash over the edge into the pit.

…a minute or two later…

I kill all the junk guardians easily, making sure to stay FAR from the edge. This time, I carefully prepare for the jump, and once again fall to my death because I can’t tell where I’m going to land.

…a minute or two later…

I’m playing Pixeljunk Monsters, having resolved to sell Star Wars: The Force Unleashed on Ebay.

At E3, Nintendo announced their new “Motion+” controller, and developers expressed “annoyance and betrayal” at having not been given advance notice of its existence. It will be at least six to nine months before outside game developers are able to produce games that utilize this technology. Only Nintendo first-party games will use it any time soon.

LucasArts is planning to release Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Lightsaber Duels this November. Unlike its much-hyped cousin The Force Unleashed, Lightsaber Duels will use the Wii remote for lightsaber combat. We can expect that it will not have 1:1 lightsaber combat, but rather a clumsy approximation, since without the Motion+ controller, the Wii’s motion tracking is iffy at best. I can only assume that LucasArts less than happy with Nintendo.

So let’s imagine now that next year at this time, LucasArts comes out with Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels 2: The Duelening or perhaps another developer comes out with some similar sword fighting game. With Motion+, it’s gonna be teh awesome!!1 Right?

Not so fast. As someone with practical experience in boffer combat, I’ve got a few thoughts on this.

Let’s say you swing the wiimote in an attempt to cut Darth Maul in half. He laughs at you and easily moves his lightsaber to block. On screen your lighsaber stops when it hits his. But you, standing there in your mom’s basement in your tightey whiteys, continue to swing the wiimote, completing the arc. At this point, the positions of the wiimote and the on-screen lightsaber no longer match. What happens? As a developer, how do you handle the fact that there’s no real-world resistance when a lightsaber or sword hits something? Do you make the character’s lightsaber on screen jump to the new position, ignoring the fact that to get there it would have had to pass through your enemy? That’s ugly. Do you require the player to move his Wii remote back to match its position on screen? There simply is no good solution. And while you were figuring it out, Darth Maul just made you a quadruple amputee.

While that’s certainly the most blatant problem, there’s also the issue of distance. If you were fencing for real, moving towards your enemy and dodging back are a major component. But how can you replicate footwork in a game? Unless the Wii Motion+ controller is able to accurately detect its distance from the TV/sensor bar, it’s going to be like swordfighting with your feet glued in place. And if it does use its distance from the TV/sensor bar, how can it tell a thrust from a whole-body move forward? I’d prefer my lightsaber combat with more dodging, dipping, ducking, diving, and dodging. In a video game, unless we’re talking about something like the PS3’s EyeToy, or some other camera-like device, it simply cannot be done.

So while I’ll look forward to Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Lightsaber Duels with some degree of hopefulness, I certainly will not expect great things.