GregHowley.com

Thinking back on the cartoons of my childhood, looking at them now through the eyes of an adult, I've realized that quite a few characters in these cartoons were actually homosexual. I certainly have no issue with that - Linda and I have gay friends - it's all good. But we're all adults here, and I thought it might be interesting to review the cartoon characters we all know and love who at the time were in the closet.

Vanity Smurf - This is really a no-brainer, as Vanity was never really in the closet. Vanity was a very happy smurf, being that every smurf in existence was male. As I'm sure you've heard, Smurfette did sleep around a bit, but Vanity did far more than that. In the world of smurf-kind, he invented homosexuality, necessity being the mother of invention and all. For a while he had quite a thing going with Hefty and later with Handy Smurf. He'd been working on Brainy, but I think Brainy annoyed even Vanity.

He-Man - Perhaps a fairly obvious one, largely due to his haircut. Prince Adam was gay long before he picked up the Power Sword and became Master of the Universe. All becoming He-Man does is make him slightly less effeminate. Don't blame Man-At-Arms.

Tigra - Even back then, I think that at some subconscious level I knew about Tigra. Whereas Liono was a complete horn-dog, Tigra kept mostly to himself. The other Thundercats led mostly romance-free lives, and so Tigra did the same, and the issue of his sexual preference never really came up.

Dr. Quest and Race Bannon - Although they never really flaunted it, Dr. Quest and his partner Race led a comfortable life as gay partners. Largely due to the atmosphere at the time, no one noticed. They made to attempt to hide their status, and never lied when asked about it, but generally people were more concerned with their adventures than with the nature of their partnership.

G.I. Joe - Perhaps the most flamboyant of the bunch is the team known as G.I. Joe. According to some records, as many as 55% of the G.I. Joe team were homosexuals. They were also never bothered, because they had the ability to neatly kick the collective asses of anyone who gave them a hard time about their lifestyle choice. Although Bazooka was the first to publicly announce his sexual preference, Shipwreck, Gung Ho, Zap, and Wild Bill shortly followed suit. SnowJob still refuses to admit anything.

Perhaps you thought you'd see a few others there, but despite many peoples' suspicions, Spongebob and Bugs Bunny are actually not gay. Neither is Tinky Winky. Tinky Winky is just really odd, like Michael Jackson.