GregHowley.com

How Not to Grow a Beard

Tuesday, March 3rd 2009

(14 comments)

Yes, I know it's not HoNoToGroABeMo, but after some heavy coaxing from Linda, I decided to go the better part of a week without shaving. The results were disastrous.

How not to grow a beardAs you can see in this shot, the centimeter-long hairs on my face number in the dozens, and have lots of space between them. Clearly, this face is not meant for beardage.

The second shot shows the seven or eight hair follicles I've got in the sideburn region. An attempt at a serious sideburn would result in a patchy misshapen thing, not unlike roadkill, living on the side of my head. Bad news.

I think the failure of this experiment is enough to never let this farce of a beard appear again.

Comments on How Not to Grow a Beard
 
Comment Tuesday, March 3rd 2009 by Linda
ye have little faith.
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Comment Tuesday, March 3rd 2009 by Frank
As my father used to say when I was a teenager, "Son, looks like you spilled some salt and pepper on your chin."

I'd happily donate some follicles to you, I usually get my 5:00 shadow at 10:00am.
 
Comment Tuesday, March 3rd 2009 by pmd
"[B]etter part of a week..."

It's going to look like total crap at first and the process can be discouraging since it can all come in at different rates. I've been working at home and gave my face a break for two weeks not to long ago and it was surprisingly patchy... It takes time and it feels like crap when you're not used to it. Also, some people claim hair grows faster in the warmer months.

If your wife says you don't have to shave... pppht, that's a no brainer in my book.
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Comment Tuesday, March 3rd 2009 by Kris Johnson
Wow. That face is totally a HoNoToGroABeMo contender.
 
Comment Tuesday, March 3rd 2009 by tagger
Ummm . . . maybe I'm missing something here, but I've had a mustache (continuously) since 1967 and a beard since 1972. As I recall, all I did was to stop shaving and wait a while.

As of 2009, most of my head-hair is gone, but the beard is still there.

Leave it for a while. Maybe it's confused about what you expect from it.
 
Comment Tuesday, March 3rd 2009 by Rita Micale
Greg, it is way too late at night to make me laugh this hard.
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Comment Thursday, March 5th 2009 by Ngewo
All I can say is, I hate shaving. I shave every single day. I used to be able to get away without shaving a day, but now it's pretty thick within 12 hours...hate it.

If only my job would allow me to grow a beard...
 
Comment Thursday, March 5th 2009 by Greg
Penny Arcade
 
Comment Thursday, March 5th 2009 by Linda
see - I thought he would enjoy the "you don't have to shave sweetie cause I think a rough scruff is sexy". But instead all I get is complaints. What is a girl to do...
 
Comment Friday, March 6th 2009 by pmd
So, was this supposed to be a recession beard?

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ries/recession-beards-6y
 
Comment Friday, March 6th 2009 by tagger
FOR NGEWO:

Years back, when I was in my early 30s, I was teaching a night class for trainers at Cal State. A recent college grad caught me after class one night and asked me if I had ever had problems getting a job because of my beard. My reply was something along the lines of, "If anyone ever asks me to shave it off as a condition of employment, I don't want to work there." I still feel that way 30 years later. Times are tough--now--but things will get better. They always do, then you'll be in the drivers' seat.

File under "For what it's worth."
 
Comment Saturday, March 14th 2009 by Keith
Like all things, you have to be patient. If your woman wants the Brawny man, then let her have him. It takes time, for ones hair growth to grow. I myself have been working at it and still have smooth patches on my face where hair does not seem to grow. At first it all might look like "SHI@" but give it time. Soon she will be calling you "FUZZY BEAR." or Grizzly Adams. MY advice....BE THE MOUNTAIN MAN SHE wants you to be...it might be a turn on for her.

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Comment Sunday, March 15th 2009 by pmd
To quote The Quiet Beatle...

"It's gonna take time
A whole lot of precious time
It's gonna take patience and time
To do it,
to do it,
to do it,
to do it,
to do it
To do it right"

But this next quote from Harrison you may not find so useful...

"Oh Ry In Eye Ay
Oh Ry In Eye Ay
Oh Ry In Ah Key Ooh Lay
Ka Lay Ooh Lau Ee
Oh Ry In Eye Ay
Sal You Te Lee Ay Vee Show"
 
Comment Friday, April 17th 2009 by Glennvis
Yesssss . . . that was hillarious, thank you! "Maybe it's confused about what you expect from it!" . .ha haha . .that's good stuff.
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