- Malaria’s most prominent symptom is sudden-onset dizziness and blurred vision which disappears almost instantly when you take a malaria pill. Still, if it hits when you’re just about to cross a bridge, expect to smash through the guardrail and face a watery death.
- In Africa, guns rust in a matter of hours.
- As long as you have a friend willing to rescue you, you cannot die.
- Injections of magical healing fluid can instantly heal any wound. Why doesn’t someone build a continuous-drip IV of this stuff and become like Wolverine?
- Repairs to African vehicles are easy. When a car crashes or is hit by gunfire, you need only open the hood and tighten the large bolt at the front to repair any and all damage. Of course, there is a large notice on the engine block that reads “Warning: You will be killed or hurt.”
- Despite the fact that every vehicle ever built in Africa has a GPS navigation system with a built-in diamond detector, there are hundreds of unlocked briefcases full of diamonds scattered throughout the country, and nobody has found them.
