Welcome to the Scribblenauts Smackdown! I’m Vince Clortho, and I’m here today in the Lungfishopolis Coliseum with color commentator Gordon Freeman. Say hi, Gordon.

Okay! So Gordon needs to warm up. In the meantime, let me explain today’s event. We have sixteen competitors, sixteen of the toughest badasses we could find in Scribblenauts. They’ll be fighting tournament style all week, with the two finalists competing on Friday for title of Lungfishopolis presents Scribblenauts Smackdown Grand Champion.

Today we have the first four battles between the first eight competitors. The first battle is already underway between an Elemental and a Superhero. What? No, I don’t know which superhero it is. Some generic one, I guess. No, it’s not Aquaman. Actually, look – he’s winning! The elemental seems to be faltering… and… yes! We have our first winner! The Superhero has defeated the elemental! Psst! Why didn’t you tell me the match was going to start so I could’ve started earlier? I didn’t even get a chance to announce those guys. Might as well do it now.

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I suppose no one expected too much of either of those competitors, which would be why they were placed first. This next match should be far more interesting. The lights have come up over a giant patch of dirt, which will be where our next two competitors face off.

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The legendary Dragon will be facing off against the long-extinct Tyrannosaurus. They seem natural rivals, don’t they? I suppose that’s why they were matched up here at the outset.

The T-Rex is in position, under the lights. Wow, he’s big. Check that out, Gordon! Absolutely huge. Aand… here comes the dragon, flying in from the west side of the coliseum. Wow! Big breath of fire to start the fight. The T-Rex did not seem to like that. They’re biting at each other now. The T-Rex has a definite advantage there. Huge teeth. But… oh! The dragon has pulled back and is now breathing fire again and bringing its claws to bear. The T-Rex looks hurt! Now the dragon has a good grip on its throat! This fight may be over. Yes, it’s looking that way. The dragon has won. I guess that’s why the dinosaurs are extinct.

Now, if you’ll look towards the south side of the coliseum, we can see now The Kraken approaching the ring through the water-filled trench that was specially constructed for this event. Originally, The Kraken was supposed to have its initial match against Medusa, but Medusa was disqualified during preliminary rounds when it was discovered that all she did was turn her competitors to stone. Since they turned back to flesh after a few seconds and she immediately stoned them again, nobody was ever able to actually win a match. So… yeah. They disqualified her. Luckily, we have an excellent replacement.

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That’s right! The Greater Old One himself, Cthulhu. This should be an amazing match, folks. It turns out that the Kraken does just fine on dry land for some reason. As you can see now, he’s climbing into the massive ring, and… they seem to be dimming the lights. Why are they dimming the lights, Gordon? HEY! WHY ARE THEY…

I’ve just been told that the lights are being dimmed because if any of the audience actually saw Cthulhu, they would go mad. Something about sanity points. So wait. How are we actually supposed to know who wins here?

Okay, I’ve been informed that we’re going to move along to the final match of the evening and we will be informed of who has won the Kraken vs Cthulhu match based on whether the Kraken swims away.

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The final match of day one is a serious grudge match. For over two thousand years, since their days in the Strait of Messina, they’ve waited for this moment. Today, we learn who better monster truly is. Scylla and Charybdis. Who will emerge the victor today?

They’re already at it! Scylla’s six heads are tearing away at Charybdis, but Charybdis’s hide seems to be quite thick. Oh! Wow! With a single bite, Charybdis has killed Scylla! Far quicker than anyone expected, the final match is over!

But wait. Hey Gordon, did we find out whether Cthulhu or The Kraken came out on top? Okay, the Kraken is swimming away. Amazing. It has managed to defeat Cthulhu! So who gets to remove the elder god’s corpse? That should be fun. And that’s it for today folks. Make sure to return tomorrow, when we’ll see match-ups between some serious competitors such as the legendary behemoth and the giant enemy crab.